It has been quite a while since I have posted. When I realized I wasn't going to meet my goal of being fit before 40 it made me really sad. I gave up temporarily. Life got in the way. Our whole world which I thought was already upside down and topsy turvy had more bumps in the road. My focus shifted to get our family through it all. We sold a lot of our possessions, moved to another state and are now starting over with hope for a better life. I am refocused now and starting over too.
I don't like failing. I don't know anyone who does. Failing is an important aspect of life though. It gives us the opportunity to learn and to grow. I love quotes. they help me so much. Here are my favorite quotes on failure.
There is no failure except in no longer trying. -Elbert Hubbard
Failure is not falling down but refusing to get up. -Chinese Proverb
It's okay to fail but it's not okay to give up.
99% of failures come from people who make excuses. - George Washington
Did I make excuses? Yes, I could have made different choices despite our circumstances. Looking back, I see how I could and can now do things differently.
It is important to note though, and I talk about this a lot with the clients I coach, sometimes you have to figure out your primary food first ( career/finances, relationships, sleep, activity) before you can be effective in your eating goals. This is what I did. I prioritized.
What did I learn (some of this stuff I already knew but failed in my application)
1) Life is going to happen. Having perfect conditions to work on your health and fitness will most likely not happen. It's important to create lasting habits. It's also important to pick back up the health and wellness bucket even if you had to set it down for awhile.
2) Reliance on the Lord is key. I got sidetracked and even though I continued to read and pray, my focus changed. I needed to continue to ask for help for this too.
3) I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I have a heart that is always set on health and wellness whether I am living it all the time or not. I always pick this bucket back up and continue to try to be my best.
4) There are less than ideal choices and then there are bad choices. I could have better continued to watch my portions if I couldn't control the processed food versus clean eating as much.
5) Taking me time to work out and meditate despite the storm is vital to not crying everyday for months. Yes, I cried everyday for months. It was bad.
What am I doing know? What are my new goals? Plans?
1) Eating: Focusing on clean whole foods. Starting a sugar detox group in September. Making sure I have a carb, protein and fat at each meal.
Breakfast is typically a green smoothie or an egg/spinach omelet with fruit.
Lunch is typically veggies, fruit and hummus or almond butter with the fruit and veggies.
Dinner is typically a salad with chicken or fish and maybe some quinoa.
2) Exercise: My focus has been on my core lately. I have been doing Beachbody programs : Tai Cheng and Piyo. I am also starting to add in some weight training and cardio. I am going to the gym M-Fri with a friend. Having a buddy is always helpful. Then I am getting in activities/movement with the family in the evenings. It is so pretty here we can't help but be outside.
3) New goal is to focus on being consistent and showing up everyday. I took an initial weight but will not check that again till next year around my birthday. I don't want that to be the focus. The focus is on eating healthy 90 percent of the time and exercising 5 days a week. I want to be strong and have muscles.
So here is to a new year. I'll keep you posted on my progress. I have all this knowledge and want to be able to share it and help others. I understand though that I need to walk the walk to talk the talk. I am learning best and first hand what my clients go through. In the long run this will make me a better coach.
Follow my journey. Subscribe to my blog and be inspired to take your own steps towards a better you.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Monday, March 13, 2017
Setbacks
I have been very hesitant to right another blog post and even attempt to continue this journey. Warning, this is not my usual cheery, positive Christ-centered post.
I have been hesitant because I am not doing well. I am stuck. I haven't lost anymore nor gained anymore muscle. Thankfully I haven't gained though either. My weight is stuck as well as my attitude. As each month of living on food storage (frozen, powedered, processed) and struggling financially continues this goal gets harder. You could say the challenges of the last two years of life are really weighing me down. I know this is common for many people who are trying to lose weight and get fit, life gets in the way and they get stuck. Excuse or not, life is hard. Well the only thing more I can think of to do in my stuckness, is to reach out to you, be accountable for my less then stellar actions, continue to try and ask for you support. I'm hoping the spring weather helps the exercise and mood part of the equation. I'm hoping to have the financial issues resolved by the end of the summer which will help the nutrition aspect of this equation. However, I only have 120 days to make my goal happen. Which I don't think is enough time. I guess on a positive note, I will be 40 for a whole year so if I still hit my goal before I turned 41 it will be a success. I'm not giving up.
So this is what I'm asking: Normally I am the one giving the advice and being the coach, but today I want you to comment and give me some of my advice back or other insights that you have.
Thanks for your help.
I also decided to post ,as humiliating as this is, so if you are in a similar situation you will know it's not easy for everyone else but you. Also if you have never been through a struggle with weight you will realize and have compassion for those who struggle with this issue. Sometimes it's not just about making good choices but having the means to make the choices you want to make.
Thanks for reading and being there for me today.
I have been hesitant because I am not doing well. I am stuck. I haven't lost anymore nor gained anymore muscle. Thankfully I haven't gained though either. My weight is stuck as well as my attitude. As each month of living on food storage (frozen, powedered, processed) and struggling financially continues this goal gets harder. You could say the challenges of the last two years of life are really weighing me down. I know this is common for many people who are trying to lose weight and get fit, life gets in the way and they get stuck. Excuse or not, life is hard. Well the only thing more I can think of to do in my stuckness, is to reach out to you, be accountable for my less then stellar actions, continue to try and ask for you support. I'm hoping the spring weather helps the exercise and mood part of the equation. I'm hoping to have the financial issues resolved by the end of the summer which will help the nutrition aspect of this equation. However, I only have 120 days to make my goal happen. Which I don't think is enough time. I guess on a positive note, I will be 40 for a whole year so if I still hit my goal before I turned 41 it will be a success. I'm not giving up.
So this is what I'm asking: Normally I am the one giving the advice and being the coach, but today I want you to comment and give me some of my advice back or other insights that you have.
Thanks for your help.
I also decided to post ,as humiliating as this is, so if you are in a similar situation you will know it's not easy for everyone else but you. Also if you have never been through a struggle with weight you will realize and have compassion for those who struggle with this issue. Sometimes it's not just about making good choices but having the means to make the choices you want to make.
Thanks for reading and being there for me today.
Friday, February 3, 2017
Houses
I have been thinking a lot lately about my housing situation. The home we are in is a rental. We love it. It has been our favorite of the last 18 moves. Even though the house needs a lot of work done to it, it is one of the first times that everyone in my family truly feels at home and that we could stay put and never move again. There are two problems with this however. The first being that we are not in a position at this time to purchase the house. We had extended our lease out long enough to give us time to reach our goal though. The second problem, we found out recently, the house is being foreclosed on and this will most likely not give us enough time to reach our goal. I have been working very hard to research the issue and to make sure I am aware of my rights and responsibilities. This has added an additional trial, at this time for my family, on top of the financial/ job search trial. Also on top of my personal food addiction trial.
As my family and I go through all this, I have had some insights. I love the fact that this has not derailed me from working on my goals. Being fit before 40 is important to me. All of these experiences (job loss, finances, food addiction, housing crisis) are bringing me closer to my Father in heaven. They are helping me to study the scriptures more, attend the temple more, and try and serve more. These were my 3 main goals that I made Jan 1st. Don't get me wrong, this all is really hard and miserable. I am crying all the time! I am trying to see the positive though as well and focus on growth and learning. I am learning to say, "This is not a good enough reason to use food today. Turn to the Lord , Amy. " One of my issues has always been emotional eating and turning to food for comfort. This is teaching me who to rely on. I am also learning to not put off a workout because I have too much stress to deal with. Note that I am fully aware of the benefits of exercise on stress. That doesn't make it easier to do it mentally. January, I was blessed to actually go to the gym and workout. Someone had given me a month pass for Christmas. I am truly grateful. It was definitely one of the Lord's tender mercies. It was easier to go and get the excuses out of my head. I wanted to make sure that this persons gift was not given in vain. I didn't want this gift to go unused. So I went. I went a lot. I created a habit. I am grateful. The lord knows us. He is still helping. He sees what I need to reach my goal and He is providing, through His ministering angels.
One of the things that I noticed at the gym was all the elderly people. I was so proud of them for being there. Being a PTA and treating elderly people, I was excited that they were there, exercising on their own. It made me think. We never really get out of exercise, movement, and taking care of ourselves. You have two choices, either do it for yourself and retain your independence or don't and then therapy comes in to try and help you regain your independence through exercise. Point of the matter is we just need to do it. These people were wise. They were taking care of their gift, their body, their soul's house. Another thing I noticed at the gym, especially after attending a pound class, was that the people were so loving, accepting and supportive of me being there. When you are over weight or not very athletic, group classes can be very intimidating. This was not the case. I was so grateful for the Christlike kindness everyone showed me.
This brings me back around to houses. One day when I felt like I was fighting like crazy to stay in this house, (I was torn on whether or not to go to the gym that day as well.) I had a thought. "Am I fighting just as much or more for the house of my soul? Am I investing as much time into that? Am I honoring this gift of a body, this rental? Has the Lord given me this gift in vain? Has it gone unused properly? Am I at home in this body, enough to love it and care for it properly? " The similarities and comparisons astounded me. It has given me a lot to think about. It has given me power for the course. That is one thing I truly love about having the Lord help with this and be the teacher. Food addiction is a process. A process that I believe can only be healed from the inside out, with the Lord's help. This has been a reminder that when I honor "my house", I honor Him.
I still do not know what the future holds for our family. I think it will be awhile before we know. I do know though that even if we can't stay in the house we are in, our family will always have a home in the Lord. I also know that I can, with his help, take care of my personal house, no matter what else is going on around me.
As an update, I decided not to weigh myself all of January. I wanted to focus on changing habits and focusing on the Lord. I achieved this goal. I did weigh in the first of February. I really haven't dropped like I had hoped. I am okay with this though because I did lose 5 inches off my body. I also went down another pant size. I feel like I am succeeding. I am gaining so much more than I am losing. I am not going to use this post to begin to explain all the reasons why our weight doesn't always drop like we hope. I'll save that discussion for another day. I think in my case, stress and lack of sleep are huge factors right now. While it is somewhat frustrating, I am still headed in the right direction and making progress. I am coming to terms with the fact that doing this slowly is best. As well as focusing on the inside out. Focusing on the Lord, proper nutrition and movement are the changes and the way to permanent success. I can't control whether or not my husband gets that great job, or if we get to stay in this house, but I can control what I do with my personal house. This is how I plan to care for my personal house no matter what house I live in. My life, My body is a gift.
As my family and I go through all this, I have had some insights. I love the fact that this has not derailed me from working on my goals. Being fit before 40 is important to me. All of these experiences (job loss, finances, food addiction, housing crisis) are bringing me closer to my Father in heaven. They are helping me to study the scriptures more, attend the temple more, and try and serve more. These were my 3 main goals that I made Jan 1st. Don't get me wrong, this all is really hard and miserable. I am crying all the time! I am trying to see the positive though as well and focus on growth and learning. I am learning to say, "This is not a good enough reason to use food today. Turn to the Lord , Amy. " One of my issues has always been emotional eating and turning to food for comfort. This is teaching me who to rely on. I am also learning to not put off a workout because I have too much stress to deal with. Note that I am fully aware of the benefits of exercise on stress. That doesn't make it easier to do it mentally. January, I was blessed to actually go to the gym and workout. Someone had given me a month pass for Christmas. I am truly grateful. It was definitely one of the Lord's tender mercies. It was easier to go and get the excuses out of my head. I wanted to make sure that this persons gift was not given in vain. I didn't want this gift to go unused. So I went. I went a lot. I created a habit. I am grateful. The lord knows us. He is still helping. He sees what I need to reach my goal and He is providing, through His ministering angels.
One of the things that I noticed at the gym was all the elderly people. I was so proud of them for being there. Being a PTA and treating elderly people, I was excited that they were there, exercising on their own. It made me think. We never really get out of exercise, movement, and taking care of ourselves. You have two choices, either do it for yourself and retain your independence or don't and then therapy comes in to try and help you regain your independence through exercise. Point of the matter is we just need to do it. These people were wise. They were taking care of their gift, their body, their soul's house. Another thing I noticed at the gym, especially after attending a pound class, was that the people were so loving, accepting and supportive of me being there. When you are over weight or not very athletic, group classes can be very intimidating. This was not the case. I was so grateful for the Christlike kindness everyone showed me.
This brings me back around to houses. One day when I felt like I was fighting like crazy to stay in this house, (I was torn on whether or not to go to the gym that day as well.) I had a thought. "Am I fighting just as much or more for the house of my soul? Am I investing as much time into that? Am I honoring this gift of a body, this rental? Has the Lord given me this gift in vain? Has it gone unused properly? Am I at home in this body, enough to love it and care for it properly? " The similarities and comparisons astounded me. It has given me a lot to think about. It has given me power for the course. That is one thing I truly love about having the Lord help with this and be the teacher. Food addiction is a process. A process that I believe can only be healed from the inside out, with the Lord's help. This has been a reminder that when I honor "my house", I honor Him.
I still do not know what the future holds for our family. I think it will be awhile before we know. I do know though that even if we can't stay in the house we are in, our family will always have a home in the Lord. I also know that I can, with his help, take care of my personal house, no matter what else is going on around me.
As an update, I decided not to weigh myself all of January. I wanted to focus on changing habits and focusing on the Lord. I achieved this goal. I did weigh in the first of February. I really haven't dropped like I had hoped. I am okay with this though because I did lose 5 inches off my body. I also went down another pant size. I feel like I am succeeding. I am gaining so much more than I am losing. I am not going to use this post to begin to explain all the reasons why our weight doesn't always drop like we hope. I'll save that discussion for another day. I think in my case, stress and lack of sleep are huge factors right now. While it is somewhat frustrating, I am still headed in the right direction and making progress. I am coming to terms with the fact that doing this slowly is best. As well as focusing on the inside out. Focusing on the Lord, proper nutrition and movement are the changes and the way to permanent success. I can't control whether or not my husband gets that great job, or if we get to stay in this house, but I can control what I do with my personal house. This is how I plan to care for my personal house no matter what house I live in. My life, My body is a gift.
Tuesday, January 3, 2017
Relapses and New Year Resolutions
I loved rereading my last post today before I began writing this one. I loved the strength and the reminder. The week between Christmas and New Year's got the better of me. Satan had been trying to beat me down since I started this. He got in full fledged attack mode between Halloween and New Years. The Lord and I had managed to defeat him, then last week happened. I was really busy with work and dates with Garrett. My scripture study wasn't as intense last week. I didn't feel as close to my Savior last week. My food addiction came back in full force. Thankfully though, the Lord is still with me. He is showing me and teaching me about repentance, His atonement and creating awareness in my life for the issue. He has showed me love and grace. Some anonymous givers were His hands this holiday season. These givers have shown me the Saviors love and have helped encourage me to keep my resolve strong to my goal. I want you to know that I have recommitted and am back on track.
Normally, every year almost, I start a new New Year's Resolution to lose weight. Did I say every year? That is pretty much how it has been since I was 12 except 2 New Years that I can think of. Well this year...
Weight Loss is not MY New Year's Resolution!!!!
In my mind, it doesn't have to be because I started this goal on my birthday and not right now. Also, in the grand scheme of things there are more important things to resolve to be better at/ to change this year. I know people who hate New Years resolutions and that is okay because they are given a pretty bad rap. It is really hard to change. It takes a lot of time, energy and consistency. I love them though and I love people who at least think about changing something, even if they do not. Thinking about it, is the first step. We talk about this a lot in coaching. One has to be aware of things before they can do anything about them. Also just because you think about them doesn't mean your ready to act. The process can take years and years to get to the action phase.
So back to what I have decided. This past year has been just as much a spiritual journey as it has been a financial and physical journey. Experience and the scriptures tell me that I can do nothing without God. It tells me that nothing is impossible when God is on our side. In order to produce the amount of change I want to see happen in my life this year, in all aspects, I know I need to be close to God. Plus, if we focus on the eternal perspective then all that is truly important is being more Christlike. Focusing on eternal goals is going to be key.
Main goal (New Year's Resolution): Draw as close to Christ as possible. Become more Christlike.
I have been thinking a lot about the best ways to do this. I have come up with 3 areas of focus.
1. Pray and study longer and more intently. I haven't quantified this by time but by things I want to read and study. For example, I want to finish my analysis on the Book of Mormon and what it says about our relationship to food. I want to dive in to the Doctrine and Covenants and not only be prepared for Sunday school this year but see what it says about health as well. I also want to be prepared for Relief Society lessons. I also want to spend more time reading the Ensign and church material then I do on FB, email, pinterest. I want to know the scriptures well enough that my kids will notice a change in my parenting and example.
2. Temple Attendance: If I am going to be closer to the Lord, I need to go to His house more often and help Him with His work. I haven't always went once a month so I'm going to start there. I want to be more aware while I am there of symbolism and of His spirit. If my temple is to change, I need to more regularly go to His temple.
3. Service to others. We serve the Lord when we serve others. My family and I have been the recipients of a lot of service since we have moved to Idaho. Even though I can't serve right now financial, I can serve with my time. I will be keeping my eyes and heart open to ideas to do this. Any ideas you have are welcome and appreciated. I want to make sure I am doing something at least once a month, but hopefully by the end of the year it will be weekly or daily.
I believe that these resolutions will help me get to where I want to be, will be the most rewarding and fulfilling. We are more than our weight. I am more than my extra weight. By focusing on the Savior, I can express my gratitude for all of His help with all my trials and life challenges. By focusing on Him, I can become the person, He knows that I am.
Normally, every year almost, I start a new New Year's Resolution to lose weight. Did I say every year? That is pretty much how it has been since I was 12 except 2 New Years that I can think of. Well this year...
Weight Loss is not MY New Year's Resolution!!!!
In my mind, it doesn't have to be because I started this goal on my birthday and not right now. Also, in the grand scheme of things there are more important things to resolve to be better at/ to change this year. I know people who hate New Years resolutions and that is okay because they are given a pretty bad rap. It is really hard to change. It takes a lot of time, energy and consistency. I love them though and I love people who at least think about changing something, even if they do not. Thinking about it, is the first step. We talk about this a lot in coaching. One has to be aware of things before they can do anything about them. Also just because you think about them doesn't mean your ready to act. The process can take years and years to get to the action phase.
So back to what I have decided. This past year has been just as much a spiritual journey as it has been a financial and physical journey. Experience and the scriptures tell me that I can do nothing without God. It tells me that nothing is impossible when God is on our side. In order to produce the amount of change I want to see happen in my life this year, in all aspects, I know I need to be close to God. Plus, if we focus on the eternal perspective then all that is truly important is being more Christlike. Focusing on eternal goals is going to be key.
Main goal (New Year's Resolution): Draw as close to Christ as possible. Become more Christlike.
I have been thinking a lot about the best ways to do this. I have come up with 3 areas of focus.
1. Pray and study longer and more intently. I haven't quantified this by time but by things I want to read and study. For example, I want to finish my analysis on the Book of Mormon and what it says about our relationship to food. I want to dive in to the Doctrine and Covenants and not only be prepared for Sunday school this year but see what it says about health as well. I also want to be prepared for Relief Society lessons. I also want to spend more time reading the Ensign and church material then I do on FB, email, pinterest. I want to know the scriptures well enough that my kids will notice a change in my parenting and example.
2. Temple Attendance: If I am going to be closer to the Lord, I need to go to His house more often and help Him with His work. I haven't always went once a month so I'm going to start there. I want to be more aware while I am there of symbolism and of His spirit. If my temple is to change, I need to more regularly go to His temple.
3. Service to others. We serve the Lord when we serve others. My family and I have been the recipients of a lot of service since we have moved to Idaho. Even though I can't serve right now financial, I can serve with my time. I will be keeping my eyes and heart open to ideas to do this. Any ideas you have are welcome and appreciated. I want to make sure I am doing something at least once a month, but hopefully by the end of the year it will be weekly or daily.
I believe that these resolutions will help me get to where I want to be, will be the most rewarding and fulfilling. We are more than our weight. I am more than my extra weight. By focusing on the Savior, I can express my gratitude for all of His help with all my trials and life challenges. By focusing on Him, I can become the person, He knows that I am.
Monday, December 19, 2016
Fasting, Prayer and Balance Seeking
With the holidays here, this weight loss journey has definitely been a dance. A dance of continually seeking balance. A dance of continual prayer for strength amoungst all the holiday temptations.
As of this morning, I have lost a total of 32 lbs on this journey. I have hit a major milestone that I wanted to hit before the new year. I have been consistently losing approximately 10 pounds a month.
For the first time, I feel like my journey is a healthy one. I have lost weight before in healthy ways, but this time is different because it's not just a temporal journey but a spiritual one. A journey where the Lord is at the helm, guiding the way.
In Alma 34:39 It says, Yea, and I also exhort you, my breathren, that ye be watchful, that ye be watchful unto prayer continually, that ye may not be led away by the temptations of the devil, that he may not overpower you, that ye may not become his subjects at the last day; for behold, he rewardeth you no good thing.
This scripture speaks to me. It reminds me of just how important it is to not let myself slide but to pay attention to everything that I put in my mouth. This doesn't mean I can't have a holiday treat, it just means that if I do, to make it small and only have one and then eat with more strictness the next day.
It reminds me to pray continually and have a prayer in my heart always that the Lord will help me. I pray a lot for Him to take the crazy away. By this I mean, that food won't be so thought consuming. That I can go to a party and not be focused on the food, but the people. Many times, I refuse to eat at parties for this reason. I don't want to be the person that focuses on the buffet. I want to focus on the people. When I see that one treat, that I love so much, I don't want it to have such strong power over me. I don't want to feel like I am being good or being bad with food. I want it just to be food. I want the cycle of being good, then feeling deprived, then indulging, then feeling guilty, then being good..etc. to stop. I can't achieve any of this without the Lord. I can't achieve these desires without praying and relying on the Lord continually.
I do not want the devil to use food to overpower me any longer. The lord has a plan for me. He has given me gifts and talents that the devil tries to hide through tempting me and overpowering me with food. I love this last part of the verse, (he rewardeth you no good thing.) The devil is cunning. He knows the impact food and weight have on my body. He knows I lose confidence as my weight goes up. He loves it when I choose to seek comfort and solace in my food over God. No good thing comes to me when I over eat, or when I choose crappy food that doesn't help sustain my body, or when I put food above God to comfort me.
Along with prayer, I have been fasting once a week. Normally as a church, we fast the first Sunday of each month. The money that we would have used for food, is given to the poor. It is also a time for us to express gratitude and pray with a purpose for certain things. It may be for someone in our family or community who is struggling or to show a sacrifice to improve our spirituality in order to receive personal revelation. There are many other reasons and benefits of fasting, the above is just a few.
I have decided to fast once a week on Sundays for several reasons. My biggest reason, at first was to improve the unity and love in my marriage. My second reason was that the Lord would guide and direct us/me on what I need to do to endure and overcome this financial trial that we are in. My third reason is to become closer to the Lord. To put Him above my temporal needs for food and seek His spirit in overcoming this weight and food issue. I used to hate fasting and was pretty much scared of it. Scared of it because I knew it involved not eating. I had been down the path of not eating and starvation before. I worried that fasting would cause me to revert to old habits, back to anorexia. There is a difference. The difference is spiritual. If I am not eating now, it is with much prayer that it is done. It is also for only 1 day a week and no more. I don't even think I will have to keep this up for ever. When life changes and isn't so difficult, when I don't need so much extra revelation and support, I will go back to once a month.
It has helped me tremendously. I see the Lord's hand in my life everyday. I notice it when I walk past a dessert table and don't desire or dwell on any of the treats. I notice His hand when I have a treat and am satisfied and don't desire or need a second one. I notice His hand when Garrett and I have a loving day. A day when even when we have different solutions to the problem, we are unified. I notice His hand when friends, neighbors, and our church family reach out to us, making this trial more bearable. The Lord is helping me through this through His words as well. I can feel the difference and my desires for food increase when I miss a day of reading my scriptures or when I get busy and my prayers aren't continual.
This journey is a spiritual one. A journey that I am so grateful for. A journey that is changing me from the inside out this time. A journey that I am grateful to be on during Thanksgiving and Christmas.
As of this morning, I have lost a total of 32 lbs on this journey. I have hit a major milestone that I wanted to hit before the new year. I have been consistently losing approximately 10 pounds a month.
For the first time, I feel like my journey is a healthy one. I have lost weight before in healthy ways, but this time is different because it's not just a temporal journey but a spiritual one. A journey where the Lord is at the helm, guiding the way.
In Alma 34:39 It says, Yea, and I also exhort you, my breathren, that ye be watchful, that ye be watchful unto prayer continually, that ye may not be led away by the temptations of the devil, that he may not overpower you, that ye may not become his subjects at the last day; for behold, he rewardeth you no good thing.
This scripture speaks to me. It reminds me of just how important it is to not let myself slide but to pay attention to everything that I put in my mouth. This doesn't mean I can't have a holiday treat, it just means that if I do, to make it small and only have one and then eat with more strictness the next day.
It reminds me to pray continually and have a prayer in my heart always that the Lord will help me. I pray a lot for Him to take the crazy away. By this I mean, that food won't be so thought consuming. That I can go to a party and not be focused on the food, but the people. Many times, I refuse to eat at parties for this reason. I don't want to be the person that focuses on the buffet. I want to focus on the people. When I see that one treat, that I love so much, I don't want it to have such strong power over me. I don't want to feel like I am being good or being bad with food. I want it just to be food. I want the cycle of being good, then feeling deprived, then indulging, then feeling guilty, then being good..etc. to stop. I can't achieve any of this without the Lord. I can't achieve these desires without praying and relying on the Lord continually.
I do not want the devil to use food to overpower me any longer. The lord has a plan for me. He has given me gifts and talents that the devil tries to hide through tempting me and overpowering me with food. I love this last part of the verse, (he rewardeth you no good thing.) The devil is cunning. He knows the impact food and weight have on my body. He knows I lose confidence as my weight goes up. He loves it when I choose to seek comfort and solace in my food over God. No good thing comes to me when I over eat, or when I choose crappy food that doesn't help sustain my body, or when I put food above God to comfort me.
Along with prayer, I have been fasting once a week. Normally as a church, we fast the first Sunday of each month. The money that we would have used for food, is given to the poor. It is also a time for us to express gratitude and pray with a purpose for certain things. It may be for someone in our family or community who is struggling or to show a sacrifice to improve our spirituality in order to receive personal revelation. There are many other reasons and benefits of fasting, the above is just a few.
I have decided to fast once a week on Sundays for several reasons. My biggest reason, at first was to improve the unity and love in my marriage. My second reason was that the Lord would guide and direct us/me on what I need to do to endure and overcome this financial trial that we are in. My third reason is to become closer to the Lord. To put Him above my temporal needs for food and seek His spirit in overcoming this weight and food issue. I used to hate fasting and was pretty much scared of it. Scared of it because I knew it involved not eating. I had been down the path of not eating and starvation before. I worried that fasting would cause me to revert to old habits, back to anorexia. There is a difference. The difference is spiritual. If I am not eating now, it is with much prayer that it is done. It is also for only 1 day a week and no more. I don't even think I will have to keep this up for ever. When life changes and isn't so difficult, when I don't need so much extra revelation and support, I will go back to once a month.
It has helped me tremendously. I see the Lord's hand in my life everyday. I notice it when I walk past a dessert table and don't desire or dwell on any of the treats. I notice His hand when I have a treat and am satisfied and don't desire or need a second one. I notice His hand when Garrett and I have a loving day. A day when even when we have different solutions to the problem, we are unified. I notice His hand when friends, neighbors, and our church family reach out to us, making this trial more bearable. The Lord is helping me through this through His words as well. I can feel the difference and my desires for food increase when I miss a day of reading my scriptures or when I get busy and my prayers aren't continual.
This journey is a spiritual one. A journey that I am so grateful for. A journey that is changing me from the inside out this time. A journey that I am grateful to be on during Thanksgiving and Christmas.
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
Hard Times
I won't lie, Since I have gotten home, exercise has been really hard. It's not that I haven't had time. Nope that is not my excuse. I have been really sad over our circumstances. Better jobs have not come, it's been two years since my husband got out of the service (not his choice). Our situation seems to only be getting worse financially.
I know that exercise is the best, better than medication even, for depression. I just can't get myself to do it. Sigh...
Thankfully, I am still eating healthy and still losing weight. I've even lost 2 more lbs since being home, so that's good.
I have tried to tell myself just to go back to walking and not worry about the high intensity workouts. I've tried to talk myself into going swimming, it hasn't happened either. I've tried to tell myself to just keep focused on my goal and let Garrett and God work on everything else...Hasn't helped.
I tell you this, so you can witness the ups and downs. Just because I have put my heart and soul into this goal this year, doesn't mean that there are no stumbling blocks or resistive moments.
As I sit here though a thought just came to mind. Maybe this will help. Praying doesn't even seem to help me to move these days.
I have a plaque that my mom gave me one year. I'm sure you have heard it.
Tomorrow, I think I will try putting on some good music and just try and dance for a while. I also tell you this so that I can be accountable. Letting you know, helps get me out of my slump. So, thanks for listening.
Go Dance.
I know that exercise is the best, better than medication even, for depression. I just can't get myself to do it. Sigh...
Thankfully, I am still eating healthy and still losing weight. I've even lost 2 more lbs since being home, so that's good.
I have tried to tell myself just to go back to walking and not worry about the high intensity workouts. I've tried to talk myself into going swimming, it hasn't happened either. I've tried to tell myself to just keep focused on my goal and let Garrett and God work on everything else...Hasn't helped.
I tell you this, so you can witness the ups and downs. Just because I have put my heart and soul into this goal this year, doesn't mean that there are no stumbling blocks or resistive moments.
As I sit here though a thought just came to mind. Maybe this will help. Praying doesn't even seem to help me to move these days.
I have a plaque that my mom gave me one year. I'm sure you have heard it.
Tomorrow, I think I will try putting on some good music and just try and dance for a while. I also tell you this so that I can be accountable. Letting you know, helps get me out of my slump. So, thanks for listening.
Go Dance.
Thursday, December 1, 2016
Success through the Holidays!
I made sure to weigh myself before I left on my trip. I then weighed myself again today since it is the 1st of the month. I was so excited. I lost 2 more pounds.
I still lost 2 pounds without being crazy. Did I have some green bean casserole (my favorite)? Yes, I did. Did I have some pecan pie (another favorite)? Yes I did. Did I go to my favorite restaurant in Illinois (Avantis) and have my favorite foods there? Yes, I did.
I could have maybe lost more weight had I not partaken of these favorites, but for my sanity, it was worth it. Part of me wanted to prove to myself that I was changing and that God is helping me. I wanted to prove to myself that I could with His help, find balance. I don't believe the Lord doesn't want us to ever enjoy and take pleasure in our foods. Most of the time, I find pleasure in my healthy foods. However, I really love some of our food traditions surrounding the holidays and don't feel it is necessary to give them up 100% (at least not until I can healthify them to my satisfaction.) I love to healthify favorites and have been working on that.
How did I create balance? One of the main things I did was really watch my portions. I made sure the amount was small on those favorites. I also piled up my plate with vegetables. If I knew it was going to be a day when I would have something not on my list, I would eat less in order to compensate for the extra calories. There was a few times as well that I skipped a meal. Not because I was hungry and just trying to punish myself, but because I really wasn't hungry. Sometimes we just eat because it is "meal time, everyone else is eating". This doesn't have to be the case. If your not hungry, don't eat until you are. Then even if you still have food on your plate but you are no longer hungry, stop eating. Especially before the disgustingly full feeling sets in. I also made sure that I exercised almost everyday during my trip. I took some of my workout videos with me. I was moving and working out Thanksgiving morning as well. On our drive, I mostly ate almonds and dates and a Suja green juice.
Since I have gotten back, I have been a little more strict with myself. I have pretty much been sticking to green juice, salads, fruits,veggies and nuts. I have had a little bit of meat, cheese and grains, but not much.
I was off of my goal by 1 pound for the month of November. I am still pretty happy about my progress. I'm not beating myself up about it. It is very hard to lose weight when traveling and during the holidays! I am back home now and still on track. Plus, its only partially about the weight. It is also about finding God, improving my spirituality, finding balance, and improving my overall health and wellness.
I attribute all my success to God, to Christ's atonement and strength. I am blessed to have His help with this trial and weakness.
I still lost 2 pounds without being crazy. Did I have some green bean casserole (my favorite)? Yes, I did. Did I have some pecan pie (another favorite)? Yes I did. Did I go to my favorite restaurant in Illinois (Avantis) and have my favorite foods there? Yes, I did.
I could have maybe lost more weight had I not partaken of these favorites, but for my sanity, it was worth it. Part of me wanted to prove to myself that I was changing and that God is helping me. I wanted to prove to myself that I could with His help, find balance. I don't believe the Lord doesn't want us to ever enjoy and take pleasure in our foods. Most of the time, I find pleasure in my healthy foods. However, I really love some of our food traditions surrounding the holidays and don't feel it is necessary to give them up 100% (at least not until I can healthify them to my satisfaction.) I love to healthify favorites and have been working on that.
How did I create balance? One of the main things I did was really watch my portions. I made sure the amount was small on those favorites. I also piled up my plate with vegetables. If I knew it was going to be a day when I would have something not on my list, I would eat less in order to compensate for the extra calories. There was a few times as well that I skipped a meal. Not because I was hungry and just trying to punish myself, but because I really wasn't hungry. Sometimes we just eat because it is "meal time, everyone else is eating". This doesn't have to be the case. If your not hungry, don't eat until you are. Then even if you still have food on your plate but you are no longer hungry, stop eating. Especially before the disgustingly full feeling sets in. I also made sure that I exercised almost everyday during my trip. I took some of my workout videos with me. I was moving and working out Thanksgiving morning as well. On our drive, I mostly ate almonds and dates and a Suja green juice.
Since I have gotten back, I have been a little more strict with myself. I have pretty much been sticking to green juice, salads, fruits,veggies and nuts. I have had a little bit of meat, cheese and grains, but not much.
I was off of my goal by 1 pound for the month of November. I am still pretty happy about my progress. I'm not beating myself up about it. It is very hard to lose weight when traveling and during the holidays! I am back home now and still on track. Plus, its only partially about the weight. It is also about finding God, improving my spirituality, finding balance, and improving my overall health and wellness.
I attribute all my success to God, to Christ's atonement and strength. I am blessed to have His help with this trial and weakness.
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