My husband had left town for a week for work. We like to have him around of course, however when he is gone, I don't fix dinner. My boys love it because then they can live off the crap my husband puts in food storage, like raman noodles and mac and cheese. I love it too because then I'm not preparing a healthy meal for them, that is sometimes a challenge to get them to eat. This also means, I go simple for me. I have smoothies or just a plate of vegetables. This worked out really well for me. I dropped quite a few pounds that week. I'm down 20 lbs so far.
Then the CRAZY began to set in. What is the crazy? It's that place in side me that begins to return to old habits. That place inside me that goes into hyper drive. That place that takes me out of balance. Some old habits that I have are being super restrictive with my diet to a level where I am out of balance. A place where when I have a tsp of something I shouldn't possibly have, I tear myself up and go crazy with guilt and regret. I'll explain the crazy a little bit more. I have a tendency to be a very black and white person. I'm either eating healthy or I am not. I tend to live the polar opposites.
This week was mission transfers. That means, I was surrounded by very good tasting but unhealthy food. I avoided the pizza. I avoided the waffles. I avoided the pan of brownies. Instead I had a smoothie, raisins and almonds that I had prepared myself. When it was time to sit down with everyone, I did grab a salad from the buffet line. I knew I should of eaten it plain for optimal health but I didn't. I put about a tablespoon of ranch dressing on it. It was the only choice there. I have been upset with myself ever since. Then we had a Cafe Rio type salad tonight for dinner. It was left over from the transfers. I knew the meat had some brown sugar in it. But again, I had it anyway. And again, I am beating myself up about it and swearing the my stomach is more bloated than it was a couple days ago.
Why do I share this level of CRAZY with you, with anyone? I have a reason and no it's not so you can be judgmental and think I am psycho.
My purpose is to let you know that we need to rely on God every hour and every meal. My purpose is to let you know that we need God on both ends of the spectrum with us.
See even though I have been taking time to be spiritual and focus on this issue of mine in the scriptures, It hasn't been enough. Or maybe it has, because I am recognizing the crazy a lot sooner. I think a part of me has gotten lazy. I have been doing really well and so I essentially was like, " Thanks for helping God. You've straightened me out and I got this now. I remember what to do to get and stay on track. "
It is humbling to me to pass the reigns of this journey back over to Him. To say, "You're right. I don't have this. I'm just reverting back to the hyper-focused, unbalanced, health nut crazy girl. " I still need His strength and His power. I can hear Him saying, "Amy, just because you are seeing success and know a lot, does not mean we are done. Stay with me, I have a lot of reworking and healing to do on the inside as well as the outside. "
To stay with Him, to work through the crazy, I am praying. I am continually asking Him what I need to do. I am meditating and pondering His words. I am trying to make sure that He remains my focus. That His thoughts become my thoughts. I love that scripture in Isaiah that says, "My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8-9). To that I say, thank goodness. No more crazy! I am going to learn His thoughts and His ways on this one. I'll keep you posted on what I continue to learn on this one. Recognition was the first step on this one.
Thursday, November 17, 2016
Friday, November 11, 2016
Six Days Thou Shalt Labor
I love to move my body. I even love exercise. It's just a matter of actually doing it. Doing it without making excuses. Once I start I'm fine. It's just starting.
I must admit that when I am out of the habit, doing movement that I really love is easier to start. For me some of these are walking, swimming, dancing, playing floor hockey, rock climbing, stand up paddle board and roller skating. They are easier to do without coming up with something I feel takes precedents for my time.
Getting back into a routine is not easy. I often here people say, "I just need some motivation." I have even thought that about myself on more than a couple occasions. I decided to start my journey back to health and fitness with walking. It has been really nice out and I love to do it. When it is cold I have a treadmill I use. On one particularly cold day, I walked on my treadmill. One of the things I like to do when I walk indoors is play one of my Time out for Women DVD's. The message of this particular day was by Wendy Ulrich. It was about being happier. She proceeds to list all these things not to do to be happier. I loved them all but number 2 really caught my attention. It read:
Don't try to get motivated to exercise!
I thought, "What! This is going to be interesting." I listened with real intent. Hoping for some magic formula. So here it is:
Motivation follows Action! We must trick our energy conserver's in our mind and body.
I loved this message and thought you know, she is right!This is what has been working for me to get back at it.
Part of my mind has been saying, "Oh my goodness, this is going to be sooo hard." So I told myself, "Just walk." As I have done that, I have thought, "Okay, that wasn't so bad. I can do a little more. " And so I have. Slowly each week, I have been adding more to my routines. As I have decided just to do it and stop making excuses. Even though some days have been just a little bit. My motivation has increased each day and I am doing more each week.
I loved how Wendy talked about how a woman would just stand on her treadmill and read the newspaper. Then she slowly did it for 1 min or so until eventually she was running. Another lady started marching in place on commercial breaks until she started skipping her show altogether to move more. This is how I have started, slow. Now I am getting in 4-6 miles a day walking and doing a 30 min high intensity workout.
A week ago I was only doing the high intensity workout 3 days a week. I knew I needed to be doing more but was dealing with excuses and or life. I told you how I have been praying about this a lot. Praying because I know the worldly knowledge of health and fitness, but my Godly knowledge in it is lacking. Later in the day, as another excuse was brewing in my mind, a clear strong thought popped into place. The spirit said to me these words, " Six Days Thou Shalt Labor." (Deuteronomy 5:13) It was as clear as day. I knew then that I couldn't make anymore excuses. I had to be a doer. I needed to start working out 6 days a week.
The great thing about the Lord is that He tells it like it is. He tells us what we need to hear. My eating has been coming along great with the question that he gave me. "Will I give this up to know Him better?"
Now, I have one for my exercise/movement as well. Whenever the excuses and life tries to get in my way. All I need to do is remind myself that the Lord told me, 6 days!
I have been following this for a week now and it has helped dramatically. I hope it helps you too.
I must admit that when I am out of the habit, doing movement that I really love is easier to start. For me some of these are walking, swimming, dancing, playing floor hockey, rock climbing, stand up paddle board and roller skating. They are easier to do without coming up with something I feel takes precedents for my time.
Getting back into a routine is not easy. I often here people say, "I just need some motivation." I have even thought that about myself on more than a couple occasions. I decided to start my journey back to health and fitness with walking. It has been really nice out and I love to do it. When it is cold I have a treadmill I use. On one particularly cold day, I walked on my treadmill. One of the things I like to do when I walk indoors is play one of my Time out for Women DVD's. The message of this particular day was by Wendy Ulrich. It was about being happier. She proceeds to list all these things not to do to be happier. I loved them all but number 2 really caught my attention. It read:
Don't try to get motivated to exercise!
I thought, "What! This is going to be interesting." I listened with real intent. Hoping for some magic formula. So here it is:
Motivation follows Action! We must trick our energy conserver's in our mind and body.
I loved this message and thought you know, she is right!This is what has been working for me to get back at it.
Part of my mind has been saying, "Oh my goodness, this is going to be sooo hard." So I told myself, "Just walk." As I have done that, I have thought, "Okay, that wasn't so bad. I can do a little more. " And so I have. Slowly each week, I have been adding more to my routines. As I have decided just to do it and stop making excuses. Even though some days have been just a little bit. My motivation has increased each day and I am doing more each week.
I loved how Wendy talked about how a woman would just stand on her treadmill and read the newspaper. Then she slowly did it for 1 min or so until eventually she was running. Another lady started marching in place on commercial breaks until she started skipping her show altogether to move more. This is how I have started, slow. Now I am getting in 4-6 miles a day walking and doing a 30 min high intensity workout.
A week ago I was only doing the high intensity workout 3 days a week. I knew I needed to be doing more but was dealing with excuses and or life. I told you how I have been praying about this a lot. Praying because I know the worldly knowledge of health and fitness, but my Godly knowledge in it is lacking. Later in the day, as another excuse was brewing in my mind, a clear strong thought popped into place. The spirit said to me these words, " Six Days Thou Shalt Labor." (Deuteronomy 5:13) It was as clear as day. I knew then that I couldn't make anymore excuses. I had to be a doer. I needed to start working out 6 days a week.
The great thing about the Lord is that He tells it like it is. He tells us what we need to hear. My eating has been coming along great with the question that he gave me. "Will I give this up to know Him better?"
Now, I have one for my exercise/movement as well. Whenever the excuses and life tries to get in my way. All I need to do is remind myself that the Lord told me, 6 days!
I have been following this for a week now and it has helped dramatically. I hope it helps you too.
Monday, November 7, 2016
Helping My Unbelief
In Mark 9: 23-24, it is the story of the man who brings his son for Christ to heal him. Jesus tells the father that all things are possible to him that believeth. Then the man says, Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief.
When I think about how many times I have gained weight and lost weight and gained again, it makes me feel defeated. It seems like an insurmountable task. My hope begins to die because what is the use of trying one more time.
This scripture gives me strength to try one more time for a couple of reasons.
1) I love how the Lord tells the father that ALL things are possible, if I, if you, will just believe. He doesn't say only this aspect of my life can change or this one, but ALL. All gives me reassurance that having a change of heart about food and losing weight is covered in that All category.
2) Believing is the second part of this. I need to believe in Him. Believe that He cares enough about this gift of a body that he gave to restore it. Not only to restore the body, but the mind that got this body in this mess to begin with.
That second one is harder, especially when I have tried sooo many times. Why didn't He help the other million attempts? Maybe because I didn't ask or maybe because He did but I wasn't listening. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in how the world says to lose weight and stay healthy. This makes me completely miss out on the source, the Lord, who knows more about the how to then anyone else. I still feel like sometimes maybe it's not His will or timing and therefore unbelief sets in. I sometimes feel like, of course the Lord would help....someone else...just not me..
3) The father admits that he believes but needs help with that part of him that still has unbelief. Maybe it's that part of him that knows the Lord would heal someone else but just not him. I don't know what part of him was unbelieving. I do love though how he admits this. I love even more than that, that the Lord still heals his son. He doesn't say, "Oh you admitted that you still are unsure and completely believing so I can't help you. No, He heals his son anyway. I can see it in my mind, a loving Christ, who cares enough to help the fathers unbelief and heal the son. Even if his faith and belief was the size of a mustard seed the Lord would do it. I love that I don't have to be perfect in this aspect either.
This scripture gives me hope and increases my belief. It helped me in the beginning of this journey. It has also helped me on those days when I haven't lost any weight. I believe it will also help me through plateaus.
On another note, I want to make sure to say, that losing weight isn't the only goal on this journey. The higher goal is becoming closer to Christ and my Father in Heaven. I want to deepen my relationship with them. If I keep my focus on the higher goal, the lesser goal will follow. So if there are days when the weight doesn't seem to be budging or my body isn't changing as much, I can look to see if my relationship is improving. Am I doing those things to develop that relationship? Am I taking care of my body the way the Lord wants me to?
Remember all things are possible,
Amy Beth
When I think about how many times I have gained weight and lost weight and gained again, it makes me feel defeated. It seems like an insurmountable task. My hope begins to die because what is the use of trying one more time.
This scripture gives me strength to try one more time for a couple of reasons.
1) I love how the Lord tells the father that ALL things are possible, if I, if you, will just believe. He doesn't say only this aspect of my life can change or this one, but ALL. All gives me reassurance that having a change of heart about food and losing weight is covered in that All category.
2) Believing is the second part of this. I need to believe in Him. Believe that He cares enough about this gift of a body that he gave to restore it. Not only to restore the body, but the mind that got this body in this mess to begin with.
That second one is harder, especially when I have tried sooo many times. Why didn't He help the other million attempts? Maybe because I didn't ask or maybe because He did but I wasn't listening. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in how the world says to lose weight and stay healthy. This makes me completely miss out on the source, the Lord, who knows more about the how to then anyone else. I still feel like sometimes maybe it's not His will or timing and therefore unbelief sets in. I sometimes feel like, of course the Lord would help....someone else...just not me..
3) The father admits that he believes but needs help with that part of him that still has unbelief. Maybe it's that part of him that knows the Lord would heal someone else but just not him. I don't know what part of him was unbelieving. I do love though how he admits this. I love even more than that, that the Lord still heals his son. He doesn't say, "Oh you admitted that you still are unsure and completely believing so I can't help you. No, He heals his son anyway. I can see it in my mind, a loving Christ, who cares enough to help the fathers unbelief and heal the son. Even if his faith and belief was the size of a mustard seed the Lord would do it. I love that I don't have to be perfect in this aspect either.
This scripture gives me hope and increases my belief. It helped me in the beginning of this journey. It has also helped me on those days when I haven't lost any weight. I believe it will also help me through plateaus.
On another note, I want to make sure to say, that losing weight isn't the only goal on this journey. The higher goal is becoming closer to Christ and my Father in Heaven. I want to deepen my relationship with them. If I keep my focus on the higher goal, the lesser goal will follow. So if there are days when the weight doesn't seem to be budging or my body isn't changing as much, I can look to see if my relationship is improving. Am I doing those things to develop that relationship? Am I taking care of my body the way the Lord wants me to?
Remember all things are possible,
Amy Beth
Friday, November 4, 2016
The Blessings of Being Overweight
Is that my title? Really!?! Is it even possible to be grateful for such a thing? It sounds absurd I know, but hear me out. And no, I am not saying that anyone should purposely stay overweight.
Let me back up a bit first. I never wanted to be overweight, or fat! In fact, through all of my youth, up through my college years, I did everything to make sure that I wasn't. I made sure so much so that I would either not eat at all, or very little. Then I'd exercise for 4 hours straight. Crazy!
Why would I do such a thing? What was I lacking? Was it just juvenile?
Then I got married. I blame part of my problem on this reason ( hehe) because I felt so much love from my husband that I stopped worrying about trying to look perfect. I didn't need to please everyone anymore. I just needed to please him. Well when you don't like to cook, but your husband does and he cooks very unhealthy...the weight starts to pack on. We have tried cooking healthy together and turning this whole thing around and some years we have succeeded and other years we have failed miserably. So why has it been 17 years of marriage and I'm still struggling with this issue?
I see both scenarios as the same issue really, just on different ends of the spectrum. How so you ask? Well, both have to do with feelings, emotions, control, connection/relationships, confidence, self-love, food addiction etc. Both use the relationship with food to meet needs.
This brings me back around to blessings. I am very grateful for this challenge /trial because without it,
I WOULDN'T BE ME!
Here is some of the other blessings, I see from not just being overweight but from being super skinny and from struggling with this challenge.
1. When overweight, as my Aunt Terry used to say, "There is more of me to love." In all seriousness though, it truly exposes who your real friends are and who really cares about you. When you have quality friends, there is truly more to love. People have to get past the exterior and really get to know you. I know high school right? But it is amazing how many people are still judged by appearance at every age.
2. Being overweight is naturally humbling. It provides an opportunity to draw closer to God and rely on Him. Just like many challenges do, this just happens to be mine.
3. Being overweight has provided an opportunity for me to learn everything there is to know about health, wellness, psychology and fitness. If I didn't have this struggle, I don't know who I would be or what I'd be passionate about.
4. Because I am overweight, I have to exercise a lot of self control (which is a fruit of the spirit). I am concerned with what I put into my body, even if you can't tell. I know people who are skinny fat people (people who can eat whatever they want and not put on weight) and some of them are not health conscious at all and could be more prone to heart attack or stroke and not even know it.
5. Being overweight, means my body loves me! Why? Because it takes the toxins and stores them so that they are not harming my body in other ways. It is a self preserving/protection mechanism.
6. I am blessed to be able to self analyze and look at the problem from many different angels. It allows me to get to the very core of me.
7. It has given me an appreciation for this gift of a body that I don't know if I could learn in a more intimate way.
8. It has blessed me to not be as judgmental (I'm still human, unfortunately) and really get to know and love people.
9. I am blessed to be able to share my story, my journey, my knowledge with others and hopefully impact their life for the better. It gives me hope that others who struggle with this same issue will not have to suffer as long.
10. It gives me the opportunity to realize through all my attempts and failures that I of myself can't do it alone but that I need a Savior. I need his grace and atonement.
There are a million more blessings but I will leave you with my top ten. I hope you have been inspired and can look at your own challenges and weakness's in a whole new light. I know through God nothing is impossible and He can make our weak things strong.
Let me back up a bit first. I never wanted to be overweight, or fat! In fact, through all of my youth, up through my college years, I did everything to make sure that I wasn't. I made sure so much so that I would either not eat at all, or very little. Then I'd exercise for 4 hours straight. Crazy!
Why would I do such a thing? What was I lacking? Was it just juvenile?
Then I got married. I blame part of my problem on this reason ( hehe) because I felt so much love from my husband that I stopped worrying about trying to look perfect. I didn't need to please everyone anymore. I just needed to please him. Well when you don't like to cook, but your husband does and he cooks very unhealthy...the weight starts to pack on. We have tried cooking healthy together and turning this whole thing around and some years we have succeeded and other years we have failed miserably. So why has it been 17 years of marriage and I'm still struggling with this issue?
I see both scenarios as the same issue really, just on different ends of the spectrum. How so you ask? Well, both have to do with feelings, emotions, control, connection/relationships, confidence, self-love, food addiction etc. Both use the relationship with food to meet needs.
This brings me back around to blessings. I am very grateful for this challenge /trial because without it,
I WOULDN'T BE ME!
Here is some of the other blessings, I see from not just being overweight but from being super skinny and from struggling with this challenge.
1. When overweight, as my Aunt Terry used to say, "There is more of me to love." In all seriousness though, it truly exposes who your real friends are and who really cares about you. When you have quality friends, there is truly more to love. People have to get past the exterior and really get to know you. I know high school right? But it is amazing how many people are still judged by appearance at every age.
2. Being overweight is naturally humbling. It provides an opportunity to draw closer to God and rely on Him. Just like many challenges do, this just happens to be mine.
3. Being overweight has provided an opportunity for me to learn everything there is to know about health, wellness, psychology and fitness. If I didn't have this struggle, I don't know who I would be or what I'd be passionate about.
4. Because I am overweight, I have to exercise a lot of self control (which is a fruit of the spirit). I am concerned with what I put into my body, even if you can't tell. I know people who are skinny fat people (people who can eat whatever they want and not put on weight) and some of them are not health conscious at all and could be more prone to heart attack or stroke and not even know it.
5. Being overweight, means my body loves me! Why? Because it takes the toxins and stores them so that they are not harming my body in other ways. It is a self preserving/protection mechanism.
6. I am blessed to be able to self analyze and look at the problem from many different angels. It allows me to get to the very core of me.
7. It has given me an appreciation for this gift of a body that I don't know if I could learn in a more intimate way.
8. It has blessed me to not be as judgmental (I'm still human, unfortunately) and really get to know and love people.
9. I am blessed to be able to share my story, my journey, my knowledge with others and hopefully impact their life for the better. It gives me hope that others who struggle with this same issue will not have to suffer as long.
10. It gives me the opportunity to realize through all my attempts and failures that I of myself can't do it alone but that I need a Savior. I need his grace and atonement.
There are a million more blessings but I will leave you with my top ten. I hope you have been inspired and can look at your own challenges and weakness's in a whole new light. I know through God nothing is impossible and He can make our weak things strong.
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