I have been thinking a lot lately about my housing situation. The home we are in is a rental. We love it. It has been our favorite of the last 18 moves. Even though the house needs a lot of work done to it, it is one of the first times that everyone in my family truly feels at home and that we could stay put and never move again. There are two problems with this however. The first being that we are not in a position at this time to purchase the house. We had extended our lease out long enough to give us time to reach our goal though. The second problem, we found out recently, the house is being foreclosed on and this will most likely not give us enough time to reach our goal. I have been working very hard to research the issue and to make sure I am aware of my rights and responsibilities. This has added an additional trial, at this time for my family, on top of the financial/ job search trial. Also on top of my personal food addiction trial.
As my family and I go through all this, I have had some insights. I love the fact that this has not derailed me from working on my goals. Being fit before 40 is important to me. All of these experiences (job loss, finances, food addiction, housing crisis) are bringing me closer to my Father in heaven. They are helping me to study the scriptures more, attend the temple more, and try and serve more. These were my 3 main goals that I made Jan 1st. Don't get me wrong, this all is really hard and miserable. I am crying all the time! I am trying to see the positive though as well and focus on growth and learning. I am learning to say, "This is not a good enough reason to use food today. Turn to the Lord , Amy. " One of my issues has always been emotional eating and turning to food for comfort. This is teaching me who to rely on. I am also learning to not put off a workout because I have too much stress to deal with. Note that I am fully aware of the benefits of exercise on stress. That doesn't make it easier to do it mentally. January, I was blessed to actually go to the gym and workout. Someone had given me a month pass for Christmas. I am truly grateful. It was definitely one of the Lord's tender mercies. It was easier to go and get the excuses out of my head. I wanted to make sure that this persons gift was not given in vain. I didn't want this gift to go unused. So I went. I went a lot. I created a habit. I am grateful. The lord knows us. He is still helping. He sees what I need to reach my goal and He is providing, through His ministering angels.
One of the things that I noticed at the gym was all the elderly people. I was so proud of them for being there. Being a PTA and treating elderly people, I was excited that they were there, exercising on their own. It made me think. We never really get out of exercise, movement, and taking care of ourselves. You have two choices, either do it for yourself and retain your independence or don't and then therapy comes in to try and help you regain your independence through exercise. Point of the matter is we just need to do it. These people were wise. They were taking care of their gift, their body, their soul's house. Another thing I noticed at the gym, especially after attending a pound class, was that the people were so loving, accepting and supportive of me being there. When you are over weight or not very athletic, group classes can be very intimidating. This was not the case. I was so grateful for the Christlike kindness everyone showed me.
This brings me back around to houses. One day when I felt like I was fighting like crazy to stay in this house, (I was torn on whether or not to go to the gym that day as well.) I had a thought. "Am I fighting just as much or more for the house of my soul? Am I investing as much time into that? Am I honoring this gift of a body, this rental? Has the Lord given me this gift in vain? Has it gone unused properly? Am I at home in this body, enough to love it and care for it properly? " The similarities and comparisons astounded me. It has given me a lot to think about. It has given me power for the course. That is one thing I truly love about having the Lord help with this and be the teacher. Food addiction is a process. A process that I believe can only be healed from the inside out, with the Lord's help. This has been a reminder that when I honor "my house", I honor Him.
I still do not know what the future holds for our family. I think it will be awhile before we know. I do know though that even if we can't stay in the house we are in, our family will always have a home in the Lord. I also know that I can, with his help, take care of my personal house, no matter what else is going on around me.
As an update, I decided not to weigh myself all of January. I wanted to focus on changing habits and focusing on the Lord. I achieved this goal. I did weigh in the first of February. I really haven't dropped like I had hoped. I am okay with this though because I did lose 5 inches off my body. I also went down another pant size. I feel like I am succeeding. I am gaining so much more than I am losing. I am not going to use this post to begin to explain all the reasons why our weight doesn't always drop like we hope. I'll save that discussion for another day. I think in my case, stress and lack of sleep are huge factors right now. While it is somewhat frustrating, I am still headed in the right direction and making progress. I am coming to terms with the fact that doing this slowly is best. As well as focusing on the inside out. Focusing on the Lord, proper nutrition and movement are the changes and the way to permanent success. I can't control whether or not my husband gets that great job, or if we get to stay in this house, but I can control what I do with my personal house. This is how I plan to care for my personal house no matter what house I live in. My life, My body is a gift.
