Fasting, Prayer and Balance Seeking

With the holidays here, this weight loss journey has definitely been a dance. A dance of continually seeking balance.  A dance of continual prayer for strength amoungst all the holiday temptations.
 
As of this morning, I have lost a total of 32 lbs on this journey. I have hit a major milestone that I wanted to hit before the new year. I have been consistently losing approximately 10 pounds a month.
For the first time, I feel like my journey is a healthy one. I have lost weight before in healthy ways, but this time is different because it's not just a temporal journey but a spiritual one. A journey where the Lord is at the helm, guiding the way.

In Alma 34:39 It says, Yea, and I also exhort you, my breathren, that ye be watchful, that ye be watchful unto prayer continually, that ye may not be led away by the temptations of the devil, that he may not overpower you, that ye may not become his subjects at the last day; for behold, he rewardeth you no good thing.

This scripture speaks to me. It reminds me of just how important it is to not let myself slide but to pay attention to everything that I put in my mouth.  This doesn't mean I can't have a holiday treat, it just means that if I do, to make it small and only have one and then eat with more strictness the next day.
It reminds me to pray continually and have a prayer in my heart always that the Lord will help me. I pray a lot for Him to take the crazy away. By this I mean, that food won't be so thought consuming. That I can go to a party and not be focused on the food, but the people. Many times, I refuse to eat at parties for this reason. I don't want to be the person that focuses on the buffet. I want to focus on the people. When I see that one treat, that I love so much, I don't want it to have such strong power over me. I don't want to feel like I am being good or being bad with food. I want it just to be food. I want the cycle of being good, then feeling deprived, then indulging, then feeling guilty, then being good..etc. to stop. I can't achieve any of this without the Lord. I can't achieve these desires without praying and relying on the Lord continually.
I do not want the devil to use food to overpower me any longer. The lord has a plan for me. He has given me gifts and talents that the devil tries to hide through tempting me and overpowering me with food. I love this last part of the verse, (he rewardeth you no good thing.) The devil is cunning. He knows the impact food and weight have on my body. He knows I lose confidence as my weight goes up. He loves it when I choose to seek comfort and solace in my food over God. No good thing comes to me when I over eat, or when I choose crappy food that doesn't help sustain my body, or when I put food above God to comfort me.
Along with prayer, I have been fasting once a week. Normally as a church, we fast the first Sunday of each month. The money that we would have used for food, is given to the poor. It is also a time for us to express gratitude and pray with a purpose for certain things. It may be for someone in our family or community who is struggling or to show a sacrifice to improve our spirituality in order to receive personal revelation. There are many other reasons and benefits of fasting, the above is just a few.
I have decided to fast once a week on Sundays for several reasons. My biggest reason, at first was to improve the unity and love in my marriage.  My second reason was that the Lord would guide and direct us/me on what I need to do to endure and overcome this financial trial that we are in. My third reason is to become closer to the Lord. To put Him above my temporal needs for food and seek His spirit in overcoming this weight and food issue. I used to hate fasting and was pretty much scared of it. Scared of it because I knew it involved not eating. I had been down the path of not eating and starvation before. I worried that fasting would cause me to revert to old habits, back to anorexia. There is a difference. The difference is spiritual. If I am not eating now, it is with much prayer that it is done. It is also for only 1 day a week and no more. I don't even think I will have to keep this up for ever. When life changes and isn't so difficult, when I don't need so much extra revelation and support, I will go back to once a month.

It has helped me tremendously. I see the Lord's hand in my life everyday. I notice it when I walk past a dessert table and don't desire or dwell on any of the treats. I notice His hand when I have a treat and am satisfied and don't desire or need a second one. I notice His hand when Garrett and I have a loving day. A day when even when we have different solutions to the problem, we are unified.  I notice His hand when friends, neighbors, and our church family reach out to us, making this trial more bearable. The Lord is helping me through this through His words as well. I can feel the difference and my desires for food increase when I miss a day of reading my scriptures or when I get busy and my prayers aren't continual.
This journey is a spiritual one.  A journey that I am so grateful for. A journey that is changing me from the inside out this time. A journey that I am grateful to be on during Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Hard Times

I won't lie, Since I have gotten home, exercise has been really hard. It's not that I haven't had time. Nope that is not my excuse. I have been really sad over our circumstances. Better jobs have not come, it's been two years since my husband got out of the service (not his choice). Our situation seems to only be getting worse financially.
I know that exercise is the best, better than medication even, for depression. I just can't get myself to do it. Sigh...
Thankfully, I am still eating healthy and still losing weight. I've even  lost 2 more lbs since being home, so that's good.
I have tried to tell myself just to go back to walking and not worry about the high intensity workouts. I've tried to talk myself into going swimming, it hasn't happened either.  I've tried to tell myself to just keep focused on my goal and let Garrett and God work on everything else...Hasn't helped.
I tell you this, so you can witness the ups and downs. Just because I have put my heart and soul into this goal this year, doesn't mean that there are no stumbling blocks or resistive moments.
As I sit here though a thought just came to mind. Maybe this will help. Praying doesn't even seem to help me to move these days.
I have a plaque that my mom gave me one year. I'm sure you have heard it.

Tomorrow, I think I will try putting on some good music and just try and dance for a while. I also tell you this so that I can be accountable. Letting you know, helps get me out of my slump. So, thanks for listening.

Go Dance.

Success through the Holidays!

I made sure to weigh myself before I left on my trip. I then weighed myself again today since it is the 1st of the month. I was so excited. I lost 2 more pounds.

I still lost 2 pounds without being crazy. Did I have some green bean casserole (my favorite)? Yes, I did. Did I have some pecan pie (another favorite)? Yes I did. Did I go to my favorite restaurant in Illinois (Avantis) and have my favorite foods there? Yes, I did.

I could have maybe lost more weight had I not partaken of these favorites, but for my sanity, it was worth it. Part of me wanted to prove to myself that I was changing and that God is helping me. I wanted to prove to myself that I could with His help, find balance. I don't believe the Lord doesn't want us to ever enjoy and take pleasure in our foods. Most of the time, I find pleasure in my healthy foods. However, I really love some of our food traditions surrounding the holidays and don't feel it is necessary to give them up 100% (at least not until I can healthify them to my satisfaction.) I love to healthify favorites and have been working on that.

How did I create balance? One of the main things I did was really watch my portions. I made sure the amount was small on those favorites. I also piled up my plate with vegetables. If I knew it was going to be a day when I would have something not on my list, I would eat less in order to compensate for the extra calories. There was a few times as well that I skipped a meal. Not because I was hungry and just trying to punish myself, but because I really wasn't hungry. Sometimes we just eat because it is "meal time, everyone else is eating". This doesn't have to be the case. If your not hungry, don't eat until you are. Then even if you still have food on your plate but you are no longer hungry, stop eating. Especially before the disgustingly full feeling sets in. I also made sure that I exercised almost everyday during my trip. I took some of my workout videos with me. I was moving and working out Thanksgiving morning as well. On our drive, I mostly ate almonds and dates and a Suja green juice.

Since I have gotten back, I have been a little more strict with myself. I have pretty much been sticking to green juice, salads, fruits,veggies and nuts. I have had a little bit of meat, cheese and grains, but not much.

I was off of my goal  by 1 pound for the month of  November.  I am still pretty happy about my progress. I'm not beating myself up about it.  It is very hard to lose weight when traveling and during the holidays! I am back home now and still on track. Plus, its only partially about the weight. It is also about finding God, improving my spirituality, finding balance, and improving my overall health and wellness.

I attribute all my success to God, to Christ's atonement and strength. I am blessed to have His help with this trial and weakness.